I always feel so awkward after a conversation with someone i'm not too close, I don't feel it that moment but after that, i can realize.
And I used feel so weird by talking to my mum all the time. It felt like I wasn't there and I wasn't the one who's talking to her.My mind is still so far away from my body.
And It will contiune to feel that way, my body, i mean.
Because i finally understand, I don't belong here.
And by that, I don't think I mean the world.
The world is amazing.
I mean, the people. The city. The country. Everything.
But the most important are the people. You could be anywhere yet u may still not feel home there.
But, about my city, I hate it to DEATH.
Idk, fucking shit hole suffocates me.
Knowing I'm actually pretty fucking far away from...I don't know. I know I can't say stupid shit like that.
But come on? It's been more than 2 years? What the fuck? Who am I to fool anyone? I know it.
I fucking know it.
I'm not kidding around.
I'm not crazy.
I know I'm not.
"They" saw me. They didn't tell me anything about that. They couldn't even know me a bit. Even THEM. I'm that complicated.
But I'm normal.
I'm not insane, trust me.
I may be, like....I don't know how to describe it? in any LANGUAGE. But, let's say...some people just KNOW things. I don't mean like the future or anything. Sometimes, just an urge comes by,opens your eyes even wider. By "knowing", i mean that. Nobody knows shit for sure. And yeah, you can say that I might be wrong.
Fair enough. Um, it was awkward trying to explain shit like that, i haven't thought i could end up here.So.
*
There is someone i care about, worry about everyday. I don't know him. The only thing I know about him(maybe there is some more that i don't care about(!) he might be the one. THIS is fucking pathetic to say without knowing him. But this idea, i don't know... though, has been stuck in my head for at least 2 years. I was 15 you know? I still remember EVERY shit i've read about. My memory is so friendly about this ...
Right now i sound like a fucking loser...
I don't want to talk about my personality traits that avoid people around me.
Well, not like i care about them.
Sometimes i feel way too much of an outsider, is all.
Kinda heartbreaking when you're in your own house.
They should be the ones who feel nervous, not me.
I don't belong here.
and I don't know my way to home.
"I couldn't understand it. I couldn't believe there were Pokémon that liked people.
Because, up until that moment, I'd never known a Pokémon like that. The longer my journey continued, the more unsure I became. All I kept meeting were Pokémon
and people who communicated with one another and helped one another. That was why I needed to confirm my beliefs by battling with you. I wanted to confront you
hero-to-hero. I needed that more than anything." Insert your narcissistic description of yourself here.